"We've all seen them. Those glamorous mums-to-be who shop, lunch and totter their way through pregnancy in sexy shoes, proudly displaying their perfect little bumps like the latest Lulu Guinness handbag. They might have pots of money and a wardrobe to make Carrie Bradshaw envious but would you really want to be a Yummy Mummy?"
On getting pregnant
We: keep it a closely guarded secret for a while, inventing outrageous excuses for our funny behaviour.
She: takes out an ad in the Telegraph announcing her achievement and an ETA for yummy mummy junior.
Me: Cannot hide my pregnancy ‘glow’ (cheh!). Plus I got an excited husband, need to say more?
On morning sickness
We: become intimately acquainted with the toilet bowl and abandon all hope of ever holding on to our breakfast cereal.
She: disguises her bleary eyes with Gucci sunglasses and recommends pregnancy to her friends - it's fabulous for detoxing, darling.
Me: Loath the vomiting part, but secretly and guiltily enjoying the fact that I was losing 5kg… which quickly triple-ly gained as I reached 8 months. Sheesshhhh……..
On pregnancy diets
We: love the eating-for-two excuse and stuff our faces full of chocolate, doughnuts, cake and crisps.
She: trembles in her Manolos at the thought of putting on weight and books a crisis session with her consultant nutritionist.
Me: Called my nutritionist and she commented “waa… dat fast aa u got pregnant? Hehehe”. NOT HELPING! I’m just cautious with my sugar intake, my family has ‘excellent track record’ on diabetes
On the pregnancy blues
We: slob around in our pyjamas, eating enormous tubs of ice cream and weeping over terrible daytime TV.
She: hails a cab to see her creative healer, Nigel - proudly clutching her moonstone and practising a spot of ashtanga yoga on the back seat.
Me: starting on my 5th weeks, I suffers ‘restless legs syndrome’… would merayap to shopping mall all the time
We: put off going to the hairdresser for fear of scaring him with our wild, untamed manes.
She: enjoys a weekly trim at John Frieda, reading Tatler and Vogue while her highlights are touched up.
Me: Oooooo…. one of the indulgences I can’t go without. Especially those shoulder massage.
On the first signs of a bump
We: squeeze into our trusty old jeans for as long as physically possible, even though the top button's popped off.
She: dashes to Push in Islington for some customised Earl jeans, then over to 9London for another little black dress.
Me: I’m a late ‘bloomer’. Pregnancy gimme gud reason to get those babydoll dresses which I won't dare to wear before this.
On maternity shopping
We: Pick up some bargains from the high street, hiding the credit card bill when we splash out on something special.
She: salivates at the opportunity to buy a whole new wardrobe and enlists a team of personal shoppers. How else would she carry all the bags, silly?
Me: Done by my husband. I was in denial for quite sometime…
On pregnancy pampering
We: feel grateful to have 10 minutes of peace in the bathroom with a gossipy magazine and a splash of Radox.
She: thinks that 'low-maintenance' means going a week without a pregnancy facial and massage at the Elemis Spa.
Me: Always pamper myself irregardless pregnant or not. I still go for my spa and Dermologica appointment and was pleased to know pregnancy facial got special discount package *grin*. Lepas nie boleh tipu pregnant lagi ka? And we would still go for concert, live band performance, movies etc whenever I feel like it...
On buying things for baby
We: borrow stuff from friends and feel rather pleased when we find a bargain 10-pack set of babygros in Asda.
She: heads off to The Cross in West London to make a list and hires a party organiser to throw her a baby shower.
Me: I don’t use credit cards for shopping anymore… eventho online purchase. Magic kan? Other than compulsive buying, nowadays information is supposed to be just a click away, NO EXCUSES! Referring to trustworthy mommas out there is also recommended. And always listen to your mom. Cannot be lazy aaa….
We: ditch cleansing, toning and moisturising in favour of an extra ten minutes in bed. She: is soooo inspired by her fabulous 'glow' that she dreams up her very own skincare range and pitches it to Clarins.
Me: I was a ‘we’ during the 1st trimester. Then probably due to the lil’ p*nis inside my womb, I’m getting vainer perhaps to balance out the testosterone. I would spend time playing with make up, doin hair spa, moisturize my bulging tummy, waxing my legs, threading, manis&pedis etc. Yeah, vain with a capital V
We: are so alarmed by the change in our centre of gravity that we squeeze our swollen ankles into some rather large and clumpy flats - better to be comfy than clumsy, eh? She: is aware that motherhood means making sacrifices - and reduces the 85mm heel on her Jimmy Choos to a highly unglamorous 65mm...
Me: I got elephant feet, now I can’t even fit into my new C&K ballerina. And believe it or not, Crocs give me blister! I still wear kitten heels occasionally untuk melepas gian hehehe. However, no Jimmy Choos or Manolos yet.
We: pop to the local swimming pool and do three lengths, then reward ourselves with a giant chocolate eclair. She: slips into a Juicy Couture tracksuit and develops a holistic fitness programme with her personal trainer.
Me: Yoga is banned, pilates is boring. Hence walking around shopping mall is my only exercise. Maybe a bit of weight lifting by carry those shopping bags and tonnes of boxes to the new home.
We: abandon thongs in fear of losing them somewhere they shouldn't be (!) and opt for comfort over class - it's big knickers all the way. She: squeezes into lacy Myla and plans to wear Agent Provocateur on her big night out at the Portland...
Me: Didn’t know hubby’s boxer can be oh-so-comfortable
This would probably my last entry before goin on my loooooooooong leave.
Before signing off, I leave you all with the song which never fails to bring tears to me each and everytime. Cannot find in Youtube, so I linked from someone's Multiply account. I'm sure she won't mind...
We wish u all well....