The Place Where My Heart Truly Is

(Beware: Tis entry is written by an emotionally unstable woman wit surging HCG)

I told my husband few weeks ago dat I missed my family.

Tho they will always come to KL, but I missed them anyway. So last week he surprised me wit 2 return tickets. The best surprise ever. Tho it’s only for 3 days (sorry frens, nda sempat hang out!), but I’ll take it… I’LL TAKE IT!

Hopped on AirAsia we go. A day before dat I’ve send Hayyat a long wishlist of wat I’ve been craving for dengan alasan “it’s d baby”…


All my wishes granted and fulfilled.

We took the chance and went to my 1st pre-natal check up at SMC (we both agree to have the baby in KK, insya allah) and met Dr. K. He was my sis’s crazy and wonderfully witty O&G. I’m so relieved dat Hayyat and Princess Precious also tagged along since both of us were actually nervous and clueless.

Princess Precious aka Poopstar showing her 'I love nenen' tummy

During ultrasound, Dr.K was very amused with my belly button and turned to eddy “Do u have one also… somewhere private?” and laughed. Years of practising, I was his 1st patient with belly button! (And I gotta keep them unless I have to go to C-Section... hehe). The baby had it’s 1st picture taken for the rest of the family to see (note: vainess harus dipupuk dari dalam perut lagi).

Dat morning we actually went to Jabatan Agama Islam to get our sijil nikah and … it’s not ready yet, despite us being married for four months already. How predictable!

Monday nite, we went for a nice family dinner. I noticed Princess Precious can actually eat properly on her own eventho she’s just turned 2 years old. Suddenly I feel sad, where have I been all these while?

My sis told me she needs to go to the hospital to run some test coz she can’t see properly wit her right eye and probably have to stay in. She said it was nothing serious and the thing about morning sickness is u lost the ability to actually ‘feel’ wats goin on around u.

Dad sent her off the next morning, the day I’m supposed to go back. Later at home, dad said she’s ok, nothing to worry… we’ll drop by before u go off. And we continued to pack our things, despite having a queasy feeling inside.

When we arrived at the ward, I wasn’t prepared wat I was about to see. The thing is, it has been quite a while since I went to general hospital. Mind you, this is the 3rd class ward, kindda macam overcrowded asrama where beds were placed anywhere possible, even occupying the walking alley… making it almost impossible to move around. Now I can understand Anna’s frustration wit the System.

Brace myself. We continued to look for my sis’ bed and wen we arrived my heart collapsed.

She was curling like a baby and the doctor is extracting liquid from her spine.

I turned away and waterworks began flowing.

Then I said to eddy “I can’t go back, I need to be here”

When the doctor is done, I asked her was it painful and she chuckled and said “No laa… but he terpoke my nerves, dat part was painful… mcm kena karan. Mau pi airport sudah kan?”

And I couldn’t contained my emotion anymore. I hugged her and cried. Demmm... cannot even say a word. In between my tears I managed to ask “sapa mau jaga u here?” And my mom quickly reply “mama ada”. After my sis assured me dat she’s goin to be fine and will be out soon, we left for the airport. Still, I was really torned. I wanted to stay so bad, but knowing my condition making it harder to travel back alone.

My family is everything for me. They will always be there for me... at any points in my life. Thru thick and thin. Same goes wit my aunties, uncles and cousins too… we always have each other. Wen I got dengue fever in 2003, they got so worried and shipped me back to KK and take turns jaga me and kawan me sleep in the hospital since my parents were away performing Haj.

This is the horrible part being away from family. I missed their birthdays, I missed watching my nieces grow up, I missed cousins/ frens wedding, I missed giving last respect to my grandfather and uncles… I missed a lot of things.

And I don’t know for what exactly.

11 years away...